Selamat tanggal Duapuluh

"Dokter tau pasien X? Suaminya ninggalin dia udah 5 hari loh dok"

Sebuah informasi yang baru saja disampaikan seorang perawat pagi ini setelah saya visite pagi. 

Dua bulan terakhir saya mulai bekerja di Instalasi Hemodialisa (HD) di salah satu rumah sakit swasta di sini.

Kerja di HD jauh lebih menyenangkan karena bonding ke pasien jadi lebih kuat ketimbang di IGD atau ruang rawat inap. Setiap 2 kali seminggu ketemu pasien yang sama dengan penyakit yang sama tapi keluhan yang bervariatif. Setiap individu punya masalah masing2 dan mayoritas pasien HD punya satu masalah yang sama : depresi. 

Hampir setiap pasien HD depresi dengan keadaannya. Merasa kualitas hidupnya sangat berkurang sejak divonis harus cuci darah rutin 2 kali seminggu. Merasa tidak bisa hidup mandiri karena butuh bantuan mesin untuk menyambung hidup. Ditambah lagi keluarga yang belum tentu bisa menerima keadaan pasien yg hidupnya bergantung pada mesin. Dan tugas dokter HD disini lebih kepada memberikan motivasi sambil mengobati beberapa keluhan2 yang muncul selama HD. 

Sebenarnya kasus diatas bukan kasus baru bagi saya. Ada beberapa kasus pasien yang ditinggalkan pasangannya karena merasa pasien tsb tidak mampu lagi untuk memenuhi kebutuhan ybs. Tapi kabar pasien saya yang baru ini membuat saya jadi merenungkan banyak hal. 

Pasien merupakan seorang wanita, usia diakhir 20an yang diharuskan cuci darah seumur hidupnya karena ginjalnya gagal bekerja normal lagi. Sebelumnya pasien mengalami kuretase dari keguguran yang dialaminya saat hamil anak kedua. Pasien sudah memiliki seorang anak lucu dari hasil pernikahannya dengan suami yang dikabarkan baru saja meninggalkannya ini. 

Beberapa minggu yang lalu, konsultan ginjal saya menasehati pasien "tak usahlah kau punya anak lagi ya. Kan udah ada satu. Agak susah kalo hamil dengan kondisi cuci darah begini. Badanmu tak kuat nanti" dengan logat palembang yang kental. Si pasien pun dengan senyum manisnya mengiyakan seakan sudah mengikhlaskan dan bersyukur dengan keadaannya sekarang.

Terlepas dari profesi saya sebagai seorang dokter, saya merasa sangat bisa berkorelasi dengan keadaan pasien tersebut. Wanita muda yang harus siap menghadapi masalah yang datang bertubi2. 

Saya pernah membaca sebuah tulisan "menikah itu seperti mempertaruhkan hidup. Kita gak tau apakah memilih menghabiskan hidup bersama pasangan yang dipilih itu bisa memberikan kebahagiaan atau malah kesengsaraan, hence, we still dare to do it" 

Sebelum memutuskan menikah, saya baru sadar bahwa saya nggak punya gambaran yang jelas tentang kehidupan pernikahan itu nantinya akan seperti apa. Bahkan disaat saya dilamar pun saya hanya membayangkan kerepotan persiapan pernikahan dengan segala detail yang harus tepat seperti yang saya inginkan. 

Sudah 6 bulan saya menikahi laki-laki ini. Sudah 6 bulan pula saya tidur dengan suara dengkurannya.

Sudah 6 bulan ini saya melakukan apapun dengan meminta izinnya. 

Sudah 6 bulan ini saya berdamai dengan diri menerimanya apa adanya. Menerima dia yang tidak pernah mengembalikan benda yang diambil ke tempat semula, menerima dia yang selalu menjawab "iya" setiap saya butuh pertolongan tapi tetap lupa/tidak dikerjakan. Menerima saya yang selalu ditinggal tidur tepat dinafas ke-5 sesudah obrolan santai kami. Menerima segala tingkah laku kekanakannya, kekunoannya, dan kekakuannya. 

Sama seperti dia yang sangat sabar sekali menerima saya dengan segala keburu-buruan saya, kelabilan saya, emosi saya, keposesifan saya, dan keegoisan saya. 

Sudah 6 bulan ini setiap subuh dan maghrib dan kadang di waktu sholat yang lain, saya selalu berada saru shaf di belakangnya. 

Sudah 6 bulan ini menghabiskan waktu bersama, tertawa bersama, menangis bersama, dan bersyukur karena menikah masih keputusan terbaik yang pernah kami ambil. 

Sampai di hari ini.

Sampai di detik ini muncul pertanyaan tentang kesetiaan lelaki yang saya percayai sebagai lelaki terbaik dan terpantas untuk penjadi pasangan dan ayah untuk anak-anakku kelak.

Tentunya sampai sekarangpun saya masih percaya suami saya adalah keputusan terbaik yang saya ambil seumur hidup saya. 

Kejadian pasien tersebut membuat saya jadi merenungkan kehidupan pernikahan itu tidak hanya seputar kasih mengasihi, tapi juga keikhlasan hati memberi dan menerima keadaan satu sama lain in the best or worst. 

Baru 6 bulan menikah, masih terasa seperti pengantin baru. Walaupun banyak perselisihan yang sudah dilewati, tetap hidup bersamanya adalah yang satu hal yang tidak pernah saya sesali. Dan saya berharap begitu selalu. Selamanya. 

Amin ya rabbal alamin..

Selamat tanggal 20, bang bulu 😘

Tadi pagi saat membereskan jas suami nemu kertas kucel ini di kantongnya. It's enough to make my day 😊😊😊

Honeymoon: Bali (Day 2 - Nusa Dua)

Why did we pick Nusa Dua? I had no idea what's good there. People say Nusa Dua was famous with its water sports. So at first I was planning to did all these extreme water sports. Then in the last minute my mother told me to stay calm, "nggak usah lasak2 lah nen. Siapa tau hamil"

There it was..

We went to our next destination Nusa Dua without having any plans. After check out from Seminyak, we went straight ahead to Nusa Dua by Grab taxi. I shouldn't have thanks to Uber and grab enough. They're saving our expenses a lot. It saved us around 200k for transport fee. It charged us IDR 70K from Batubelig, Seminyak to Mahogany Hotel, Nusa Dua.

By the time we got Mahogany Hotel, we're served by a very kindly and helpful receptionist to help us check-in. We booked the hotel from traveloka (I've compared many travel website and I found traveloka is the most affordable of all) by IDR 473.737 (with 10% discounts). And the hotel itself beyond my expectations.  The super helpful and kind staffs with an excellent facilities they offered, I wouldn't say no for the second visit.

I chose this 3-star hotel just because they gave a free shuttle to Bali Collection, which is mean save us another Rupiahs for transport fee. We booked for a room with a Balcony and here what we paid for a view..

That's a Bali Mandara Toll Road view right from our balcony. The night view is more gorgeous but I forgot to capture.

Sunrise from the rooftop

Morning swim at the hotel

At 3 pm we're already steady at the lobby for a shuttle to Bali Collection. At first I thought there would be a minibus with some hotel guess. Maybe because we came in low season, it only both of us were privately taking there by an Innova. The driver who is still young (around my age, I guess) telling us what to do and where to go while we're in Nusa dua. Because we're avoiding any extreme sports, so he thought maybe we could hired a half-day tour. We didn't want to go with a tight schedule tour, but this half-day tour sounded promising which is we didn't have to rush to dealt with tight schedule. So we decided to take this half day tour tomorrow as we checked out from hotel.

Bali Collection 

Welcome to Bali Collection, that places to find expensive stuffs

By the time we got to Bali Collection, I didn't quite impressed. It's an outdoor shopping mall with international tourists as their target market. The price their tag was real high and the weather itself was so damn hot. I was a bit regreted. It's sooooo HOT FOR GOD SAKE. what's the matter with Bali and its weather 😩

And I have a bad story there. We were stopped by a hotel salesman that insisted us to go to their hotel grand opening and urged us to took the so-called-grand prizes that I got. We're on our honeymoon and a grand opening hotel would be the last thing we're probably visit indeed. He was persistently forced us to give our number so he could picked us tomorrow morning for their grand opening hotel. It made me irritated by took my hubby and left him talk rubbish alone. At first, I just want to help him sharing the brochure. But his attitude and the freaking hot weather were getting on my nerves. 

Afterward, We went to sogo for 2 reasons. I want to bought a sandals and craving for aircond. 

Pamer sendal jepit baru 😂😂

Nusa Dua Beach

We had about a half hour before our shuttle came to pick us back. So there we went to Nusa Dua Beach which is took us 5 minutes walk. And I'm falling in love with it. it's clean and full of shade tree to blocking us from sun. The sand was smooth and again, it's quite. I love beaches when it's quite and clean.

May Allah give us what is best for us in this world and grand us Jannah in the hereafter ❤️

Super HOT. Felt like above 36 degree here

Diner by the Jimbaran Bay

People kept telling that having diner at Jimbaran bay by watching sunset is a must. So there we went, at a seafood restaurant in Jimbaran Bay, we're expecting a quite, romantic and private diner. But the reality hit me, there're sooooo many people that I feel like going back to hotel.

Too many table with people talking, laughing, taking selfies, drinking that I couldn't hardly breathe. It just felt so wrong. We just planned to have coconut drink by watching sunset and have a nice chat. But waiters kept coming and abit urge us to order their food, and people around us were drunk and keep drinking and drinking and laughing and EVERYTHING FELT SO WRONG.

oh well, after all, we did enjoy the sunset view. It's the best sunset l've seen so far. But I don't think to make another visit here.

The pict said it's calm yet it's not

A magnificent view, I always admire this twilight moment 

TOO crowded 

Then let's call it a day. We're back to hotel by Grab. And just like Jakarta, Uber and Grab had that controversy in some tourism places in Bali. So our grab driver reminded us to not tell the people in store we're ordered grab. Just told them that we rented a car with driver. Anything you want, Mr. Driver. As long as we got low expenses. It cost us IDR 32K.

Tomorrow, We have a tight schedule trip. Pandawa, Uluwatu, Sunset road are coming soon.

Honeymoon: Bali (day 1 - Seminyak)

Before honeymoon left remain forgettable I'd better post it here as memories to remember.

So we decided Bali as our honeymoon destination. Since I've been there at 3 yo (which I couldn't even remember a thing) and hubby was agree wherever to go as long as it's honeymoon.

We started our trip on March 16th, 2016 in the morning. It cost us IDR 1.695.867 (CGK - DPS - CGK)

The first thing I remember as soon as I got there is Bali was freaking hot as hell. We had lunch at the airport and ordered grab taxi to got to our villa at Batubelig, Seminyak. We had no idea that Grab and Uber are available in Bali which was saving us a lot of money from taxi costs. It only cost us IDR 60k for grab taxi instead of around 200k if we're using taxi.

Since the title was honeymoon we didn't into traveling. Just wanna enjoy the moment we've spent together there without rush in with the tight schedule tour.

I had this wish since before we get married to stay in a villa once in our honeymoon trip. So we searched for an affordable 5-star villa that suit to honeymooners in Seminyak. We used agoda, booking.com and traveloka as comparison to find the most affordable one. We ended up booking this villa from traveloka. It's called Asthana Batubelig Villa in Seminyak. It cost us IDR 1.148.857 (after 10% discount from traveloka) for a night. So take a look at the villa urself :)

The aisle to villa. Isn't it lovely? 😍

We request for a honeymoon setup at first and didn't cost any additional payments ahead (yayyy)

Sunset at Batubelig beach

We went to Batubelig beach, looking for beautiful sunset there. It only took us 5 mins walking from villa. This was the best beach for me not because of the view, but the quite and far from the crowd place which we really craved for. What a sweet serendepity by sawing bule running by the beach along with some dogs, no local people taking picture with selca stick, making noises or threw junk all over the beach. It only us (the locals) and all the bules enjoying the sunset. Priceless (literally).

We tried walking along the road at night just because. For the record, Bali is not Moslem friendly. It's hard to find mosque or halal food. We only ate halal certified junk food there. We back to villa after bought some simple groceries to be made at the kitchen that provided in our villa. 

First honeymoon dinner. Nothing fancy, just bread, self-made martabak mie, drinks and a gorgeous man in front of me ;)

The private pool right in front of the bedroom. You could just jump straight to it.

As we check in we'd already given breakfast menu for tomorrow morning. So we chose indonesian and american breakfast menus and set 7.30 am as the time to deliver the breakfast. Yes, the breakfast delivered straight to our room. It's a truly heavenly honeymoon. 

"Just look, don't eat! I'm not done capturing" told the lady to the man who's absolutely starving. His comment after breakfast "I prefer normal all you can breakfast that provided by usual hotel. This is too little to my tummy" which I couldn't agree more. Namanya perut indonesia. Mana cukup makan dikit gini.

So we've spent or first day long of honeymoon almost in villa. Well, it's honeymoon tho, what do you expect? We didn't care of places, stuffs or culture there. And we paid some rupiahs for a villa so it such a waste to not enjoy everything there. After all, It's all about us, isn't it? 😝

Let's call it a day. The next day we moved to Nusa Dua that I'll write in the next post.

Thanks for reading, and if there anything I can help please do leave a comment. It's my pleasure to help 😊

Ruled by hormones

Jaga di IGD RS banyak kejadian lucu yang disebabkan oleh hormonku 😂😂

Jadwal jagaku di sebuah RS setiap rabu - sabtu. Ya sabtu, setiap malem minggu aku jaga IGD instead of spending time with the loved one. Since the loved one hasn't met me yet then nothing's wrong spending time with the patients, yes?

Somehow setiap malem minggu aku selalu dapet pasien yang semakin memperjelas status "single and dying for a boyfie"-ku. 

1. Pasien laki2, middle 20, wangi, bersertifikasi ganteng, dateng ke IGD dengan keluhan batuk pilek dengan suara bindeng dan hidung merah. Well, pasien ini cukup buat aku nyesel kenapa gak bedakan dulu sebelum keluar kamar jaga (if u know what I mean). Sampai akhirnya muncul sang kekasih standing right beside him. There went my beautiful sight of satnite off. Like i had not enough already, waktu lagi nulis resep sepasang kekasih ini sitting in front of me did PDA a.k.a Public Display of Affection. Si cewek ngelus pipi cowok, ngomong lembut dan berbagai macam hal lainnya yang buat aku langsung cepet2 nulis resep biar mereka bisa segera cabut dari IGD and go get a room A.S.A.P!!!!

2. Pasien anak, laki2, 2 tahun, lucu ganteng dateng dibawa laki2 gak kalah lucu  (late 20) who end me up concluding him as my patient's brother. To describe the handsomeness2. , his brother was enough to distract my attention to checking up the patient 😌

My fluttering phase wasn't last much long until a beautiful woman seumuran aku dateng masuk ke IGD dan memperkenalkan diri sebagai mamanya pasien. And the one i thought as his brother was his father as well. Crap!! 

Sekalian aja tampar aku skrg. What a lucky woman! Seumuran aku, udah punya anak lucu ganteng, imut dengan laki ganteng terarah! Then I'm off of my flirt 😩

3. Pasien laki2, late 20, putih, berjambang, tinggi, terklassifikasi ganteng, dateng dengan keluhan luka robek di pelipis kiri saat main futsal. Well, denger futsal showing me an uncertain urgency to checking up his stomach to saw how much futsal worked on his abs 😝😝. Tapi berhubung keluhannya luka robek di pelipis gak nyambung lah klo aku buka2 baju pura2 periksa perut si abang kan.

Trus aku bilang ke pasien "lukanya udah berenti tapi kita jahit ya biar rapi pas sembuh bekas lukanya gak besar". Dan dia pun menjawab "gak usah dijahit bisa dok?" "Bisa aja sih, tapi nanti bekas lukanya jadi besar, gak rapi" trus dia bilang "gpp lah dok. Udah punya istri ini, gak perlu ganteng2 lah" 

Baiklah, langsung cepet2 aku suruh perawat bersihin lukanya, tutup dan langsung kasih resep. 😤😤😤

Hmm, kadang aku suka sedikit menyalahgunakan pekerjaanku. Well, cuma dokter yang bisa pegang2 badan suami orang tepat di depan istrinya tanpa dipelototin sang estri. Nah, as a doctor aku udah ratusan x grepe2 badan pasien sampe ke bagian yang (maaf) sensitif-nya tanpa merasa bersalah atau ngerasain apapun. Karena pure professionalism. Tapi entah kenapa pasien2 pejantan ganteng yang sering masuk IGD akhir2 ini sering buat aku canggung atau malu sendiri waktu  melakukan pemeriksaan fisik ke mereka. 

Yang paling sering kejadian nih waktu aku mau periksa abdomen (perut) kan pasiennya buka baju nya tuh. Tiba2 aja aku liat perutnya berbulu, masya Allah ya... Seketika itu juga I forgot what to do but staring at the abs 🙈

Dan entah kenapa setiap meriksa pasien2 ganteng ini aku jadi lebih teliti aja gitu. Waktu yang diperlukan untuk periksa pasien ganteng lebih lama ketimbang pasien biasa lainnya. Well I'm only human who've been ruled by hormones after all. 

From hormone to mellow

Akhir - akhir ini sering ngerasa jadi  cewek mellow yang gampang nangis karena cuma karena hal sepele, terutama 2 bulan belakangan ini. emang sih karena PMS, but this is the first time my life had been screwed by hormone.
Separah2 nya aku PMS, gak pernah tuh sampe nangis bombay kaya cewek yang gak disetujuin bapaknya nikah sama pacarnya di film india.

Dua bulan yang lalu, aku lagi di taksi travel perjalanan dari Medan balik ke Sidempuan. I was fully wishing to get a capable and the fastest driver since I've had to driven to Gunung tua when I got Sidempuan as soon as possible to catch my morning shift in emergency room. As though faith didn't took its side on me, I got the slowest driver so that he could never forced himself to precede the truck in front us. He was effortlessly drove 40 km/h for the heck fastest!!

I was about to burst out. Rasanya emosi, pengen gantiin si supir lambat ini. I felt something burnt inside of me and felt like punch this driver who was sitting next to me. Realize of not capable to did those things, I effortfully resist my anger. Tapi jadinya malah nangis. Nangis sejadi2nya kaya abis diputusin gitu. Untungnya kejadiannya malem, jadi si supir lambat ini gak ngeliat aku udah nangis bodoh aja sangking emosi sama dia. Right after that, I felt the abdominal cramp then I confirmed myself my period was coming right after that.

Bulan ini tepatnya minggu lalu, aku ditelfon mamaku minta dijemput di sekolahnya jam 12.15. Seharusnya aku ke kantor pajak buat ngurus NPWP, tapi karena mama minta jemput aku langsung nyetir ke sekolahnya.  Nyampe sekolah jam 12 dan sekolahnya itu udah sepi, kosong, melompong. I called mama like 100 times yet she's out of reach. Lima belas menit kemudian mama nelfon aku katanya dia udah di rumah karena jam setengah 12 dia udah pulang dan gak ngeliat aku di depan sekolahnya ditambah lagi HP nya abis batere. Gak mungkin juga aku bentak2 mama, jadi aku langsung matiin HP. Di jalan balik ke rumah mataku udah basah. Kept remind myself to think logically that nothing's deserve to be cried to.

Nyampe rumah mama bukain pagar trus aku langsung ngomong "mama bilang jam 12.15. Nenny dari jam 12 udah di sana, gara2 mama gak jadi nenny buat NPWP" trus langsung lari ke kamar nangis sesengukan. Sumpah ya, sinetron juga gak bakal selebay ini kali. trus mama ngetok2 kamarku bilangin dia salah bilang maksudnya pulang jam 12 kurang 15. Tapi aku udah terlanjur nangis kaya ditinggal kawin. Beberapa menit setelah itu I've got my period as I predicted before.

Bener2 hormon ngerusak mood and my way of thinking. 

Nah, tadi pagi aku bbm-an sama mama, curhat gara2 papa yang pelit. Aku minta duit bensin ke papa trus papa pake acara nyindir aku udah dokter kok masih minta subsidi dari ortu. Emang sih duitnya dikasih tapi ego ini udah terlanjur terluka (halah..). Trus aku ngadu ke mama "biar mama tau aja, papa blom ada loh ma ngasih duit makan nenny bulan ini. Nenny makan setiap hari pake nughet yang dibeli pas belanja bulanan kemaren". Tau gitu mamaku langsung heboh mau transfer duit ke aku, trus suruh ibu yang bantuin di rumah Sidempuan buatin lauk buat aku makan di Gunung Tua. Again and again, aku langsung nangis gak jelas gitu donk. Padahal udah selesai nih period ku. 

I don't know how to handle what this hormone did to me. I cant even control myself to not crying out loud. Oh, I guess it's time to find my next-to-be husband as the impingement for my hormone disaster.

Mama, the most patient woman on earth <3 font="">

Internship : 7 months passed and I'm grateful :)

Gak kerasa uda 7 bulan terlewati. So it's about 3 moths to go to finish this internship. Aku banyak belajar selama intern disini. Bukan literally belajar by open and read the text book. I mean learn how to live a life alone far away from home.
Belajar mandiri, dewasa dan accept this world is not as small as my house (though this place is not larger than my neighborhood). Belajar mengenal sifat roommates yang completely various. Even the tiniest thing could make me wishful. Like hoping for a bright sunny day so my laundry will get well dry so i've enough clothes to continue my days here. Or simply learnt how to brushing my clothes.

Selama 23 tahun ini aku gak pernah mikir ternyata pekerjaan mencuci baju itu selain butuh kesabaran, ketekunan juga butuh niat yang kuat. Cause the moment u intend to wash u must to responsible till the end. Responsible maksudku untuk siap2 berlapang dada kalo2 cucian yang setumpuk udah capek2 dicuci, di molto-in, diperas dan dijemur tiba2 semesta berkonspirasi dengan cucian kita dengan mendatangkan hujan. Believe me, it happened to me a lot! Since then, I really appreciate the laundryman job. They really have a tough occupation there. Selain masalah teknis kaya mendung, hujan, badai, banyak lagi masalah dalam mencuci baju ini. Kaya niat yang kuat, dan persiapan mental karena setelah mencuci yang memeras baju yang bikin tangan pegel harus dilanjutkan dengan menyetrika cucian yang udah kering. God bless all the laundryman!

Intinya sih ya selama internship di gunung tua ini aku banyak belajar susahnya jadi housekeeper. Malah aku jadi ngerasa jadi dokter gak seberat jadi housekeeper. Instead of washing, there's a huge responsibility on your shoulder to keep the house clean. Like making the bed, sweeping, wash the plates, mopping, buang sampah, sweeping, like never end! I am truly deeply appreciate this housekeeper doing. It ain't really simple job!

Once I told mama what I have done here. She seemed so surprised and grateful that her super lazy daughter willing to do all the things she never did at home. Yet her gratefulness can't hold a bit longer when I back home for awhile and found me completely forgot about all those tidy house thingy and back to the lazy one again. The disappointment hits her tough :D

Selain masalah bersih2 dan jaga rumah, internship juga ngajarin aku untuk toleransi.. Well, kami ber-9 di satu rumah. Dengan 9 kepala yang isinya beda2 semua, it's impossible to not hitting the fight. In the first month, we were argued a lot. But later on, we were try to hold our ego and try to get along together. It worked really well till now.

Ok, rasanya aneh kalo internship ini cuma menjadikan aku terlatih sebagai pembantu rumah tangga aja. Since internship ku ini bertujuan untuk menjadikan saya dokter yang turun ke desa dan melatih skill and confidence. So, i'd like to say, nothing much to hope for this internship. Expect less and grateful more is useful here. I can't expect for a weird, rare and interesting case but only a usual tiny case like common cold, dyspepsia or else.

Kata orang sih bawaan badanku yang sepi pasien dan selalunya dapet pasien yang biasa2 aja. Soalnya temen2 yang lain selalu dapet pasien yang aneh2 dan gawat. Satu2nya kasus penarik yang aku dapet tuh pas jaga malem IGD dipanggil jam 3 pagi untuk visum mayat kecelakaan lalu lintas (KLL). Untuk daerah lintas sumatera ini memang biasa dapet pasien KLL karena kebiasaan orang disini yang suka ngebut2 naik motor tanpa helm dan banyak kendaraan2 besar yang juga ngebut. Ya namanya juga jalan lintas ya..
I'll tell about my various boring patient in another post. The bottom line of this post is i'm grateful enough for being here this long. And I hope I learnt much from living alone in an unidentified place here.

Nightmare, homesick and fasting

Out of nowhere, after Subuh praying I slept deeply and found myself having a nightmare. I dreamt of my family went to my shared house in Gunung Tua and asking me for a walk. Even my brother entrusted me his money for our walk. I was really looking forward to it, but at the same time, I had have promised my friend for a walk either and she had prepared herself for it.
I was asking her to cancel and reschedule the walk out but she apparently disappointed of me and I couldn't let it go. Instead of going out with my family who had went acrossed lots of miles to get here, I picked to go out with my friend. I hardy enjoyed every minute I spent with her. then I realize, something is wrong with me. Somehow I forgot to covered my hair with shawl.
I was really having a completely a bad day. Hardly impossible to arrange your dream, I might said. I felt like cursing myself to not choosing going out with my family and not wearing a hijab either. I went back home as soon as possible by shouldering a mountain of disappointed. as soon as I got home I found my family wasn't there anymore.
Well, as I read this post again, it turned out my perspective of nightmare. It wasn't  a nightmare I was having just now. It is only a bad dream who successfully making me crying a river. Now I know how seriously homesick I am. I miss home, gathering with my genus, chattering this and that.
I can't translate my dream. But it should be something is told about the dream I haven't understand yet. or it's only simply a consolidation of fasting and homesick to create a nightmare. Well, God only knows..