As mainstream as it sound : Resolusi 2014

Last day in 2013 bring me to flash the whole memory back. It's equal either bitter or sweet memories I have this whole year. Instead of stuck in the bad things, I'd love to remind myself all the good stuff had happened in 2013. 

1. Alhamdulillah aku dikasih kesempatan hidup sampai sekarang :)

2. Selesai internship

3. Papa selesai pengobatan Hep C dan dinyatakan bersih dari hep C

4. Diterima  dan kerja di 3 RS swasta di Medan (not to mention all the tears and hard work had been fell back then)

5. Punya gaji sendiri dan gak minta bulanan lagi sama papa mama

6. Selesai ACLS dan ATLS

Well, I'm this bad at memorizing things. I'm sure it'd be more advantages than what I wrote above. Due to this limited ability to recollect things, let me tell you my resolution for 2014 then.

1. ME-NI-KAH. I've enough of being bridesmaid, puhlease..  I'm looking forward to get married at least at the end of the year. Don't let me cross my 25 being single :'(

2. Punya kerjaan settle dengan sallary over 7k

3. Holiday. I'm craving for distraction from my routine. Either in or out of country is good enough for me. I missed the feeling to be up in the air, sleeping in hotel, taking pict every corner of new place, and culinary tour. I need some short getaway next year to refresh my mind. 

4. Ganti mobil dengan uang sendiri

5. Jadi dokter haji

6. Berat badan 48-49 kg

7. Baca novel, nonton di bioskop, makan di luar minimal satu kali tiap bulannya

8. Lebih sering nulis. due to my limited recollecting stuff, it'd be nice if I wrote down what happened that time. Just to remind myself that I've been through a lot all that time.

9. Punya teman baru minimal 1 orang tiap bulannya. So at the end of the year I have at least 12 new friends. I just find out how lonely It is lately since one by one of my friend get out of town to make money for living :(

10. Mengurangi kefanatikan ku sama kpop dan kdrama. Recently it's been destructive till I took myself away from society to keep me watching, following and engaging to them.

11. More patient and less whining, 

12. Seeking for scholarship. Stop expecting money from parents for my tuition fee. Either my own saving or scholarship which will pay my school tuition fee. And I will start considering my next speciality that I'm into it. Soon!

13. Banyak sedekah, puasa dan umroh!

Wow, the more line I wrote the more list I've came into. 

13 resolutions for 2014 

A friend of mine ask me about my movie of the year or song of the year. Nothing crosses my mind but the effort to get a job and pass some tests. I've lost a lot of money, time to sleep, tears, sweats and the most of all is TIME just to be here. To be the way I am right now, right here. Nothing to regret for all I have got until now because I've done my best. My bottom line of 2013 is EFFORT. 

Life happens

I am not celebrating christmas. Tho christmas left me full of precious memories. Last year in the same date I was driving in a convoy on our way to Bukit tinggi. 

My first experience to drive out of town. The memories hardly leaft my sight till now. Konvoy dua mobil dengan tiga penumpang di tiap mobilnya ( bukan lebay, Kita sekeluarga gigantisme + obese. Jadi gak memungkinkan 6 manusia sit properly and comfortably in a car). we used HT (handy talkie) to communicated between one car to another. Di mobil pertama papa, mama dan abangku yg nyupir. Mobil kedua ada adek cewek, adek cowok, dan aku yg nyupir. A thrilling yet challenging experience i'd said. It took me about 9 hours of driving to get there. Jadi setiap hari we spent on the car enjoying the scenery of Bukit tinggi to padang. We stopped in every beautiful place for awhile just to enjoythe beautiful nature God has creatde and taking picture. Everyday we moved from one to another hotel. Such a lovely and precious time we spent our quality family time together.

It was last year..

This year is another story has created..

I'm still driving myself indeed bukan keluar kota tapi ke Rumah sakit. Alhamdulillah tahun ini aku jaga IGD 36 jam gantiin temenku yg lagi natalan. Such a blessed opportunity I always get every day of my life.

So here I am now. Instead of driving my feet off to out of town, I'm sitting in emergency room watching NET channel playing christmas song while waiting for patient.

Life happens :) 

And I appreciate every single minute of it. Alhamdulillah :)

Ruled by hormones

Jaga di IGD RS banyak kejadian lucu yang disebabkan oleh hormonku 😂😂

Jadwal jagaku di sebuah RS setiap rabu - sabtu. Ya sabtu, setiap malem minggu aku jaga IGD instead of spending time with the loved one. Since the loved one hasn't met me yet then nothing's wrong spending time with the patients, yes?

Somehow setiap malem minggu aku selalu dapet pasien yang semakin memperjelas status "single and dying for a boyfie"-ku. 

1. Pasien laki2, middle 20, wangi, bersertifikasi ganteng, dateng ke IGD dengan keluhan batuk pilek dengan suara bindeng dan hidung merah. Well, pasien ini cukup buat aku nyesel kenapa gak bedakan dulu sebelum keluar kamar jaga (if u know what I mean). Sampai akhirnya muncul sang kekasih standing right beside him. There went my beautiful sight of satnite off. Like i had not enough already, waktu lagi nulis resep sepasang kekasih ini sitting in front of me did PDA a.k.a Public Display of Affection. Si cewek ngelus pipi cowok, ngomong lembut dan berbagai macam hal lainnya yang buat aku langsung cepet2 nulis resep biar mereka bisa segera cabut dari IGD and go get a room A.S.A.P!!!!

2. Pasien anak, laki2, 2 tahun, lucu ganteng dateng dibawa laki2 gak kalah lucu  (late 20) who end me up concluding him as my patient's brother. To describe the handsomeness2. , his brother was enough to distract my attention to checking up the patient 😌

My fluttering phase wasn't last much long until a beautiful woman seumuran aku dateng masuk ke IGD dan memperkenalkan diri sebagai mamanya pasien. And the one i thought as his brother was his father as well. Crap!! 

Sekalian aja tampar aku skrg. What a lucky woman! Seumuran aku, udah punya anak lucu ganteng, imut dengan laki ganteng terarah! Then I'm off of my flirt 😩

3. Pasien laki2, late 20, putih, berjambang, tinggi, terklassifikasi ganteng, dateng dengan keluhan luka robek di pelipis kiri saat main futsal. Well, denger futsal showing me an uncertain urgency to checking up his stomach to saw how much futsal worked on his abs 😝😝. Tapi berhubung keluhannya luka robek di pelipis gak nyambung lah klo aku buka2 baju pura2 periksa perut si abang kan.

Trus aku bilang ke pasien "lukanya udah berenti tapi kita jahit ya biar rapi pas sembuh bekas lukanya gak besar". Dan dia pun menjawab "gak usah dijahit bisa dok?" "Bisa aja sih, tapi nanti bekas lukanya jadi besar, gak rapi" trus dia bilang "gpp lah dok. Udah punya istri ini, gak perlu ganteng2 lah" 

Baiklah, langsung cepet2 aku suruh perawat bersihin lukanya, tutup dan langsung kasih resep. 😤😤😤

Hmm, kadang aku suka sedikit menyalahgunakan pekerjaanku. Well, cuma dokter yang bisa pegang2 badan suami orang tepat di depan istrinya tanpa dipelototin sang estri. Nah, as a doctor aku udah ratusan x grepe2 badan pasien sampe ke bagian yang (maaf) sensitif-nya tanpa merasa bersalah atau ngerasain apapun. Karena pure professionalism. Tapi entah kenapa pasien2 pejantan ganteng yang sering masuk IGD akhir2 ini sering buat aku canggung atau malu sendiri waktu  melakukan pemeriksaan fisik ke mereka. 

Yang paling sering kejadian nih waktu aku mau periksa abdomen (perut) kan pasiennya buka baju nya tuh. Tiba2 aja aku liat perutnya berbulu, masya Allah ya... Seketika itu juga I forgot what to do but staring at the abs 🙈

Dan entah kenapa setiap meriksa pasien2 ganteng ini aku jadi lebih teliti aja gitu. Waktu yang diperlukan untuk periksa pasien ganteng lebih lama ketimbang pasien biasa lainnya. Well I'm only human who've been ruled by hormones after all. 

5 hours on clinic

So here they are, my 5 hours been wasted. All of a sudden this 5 hours have been productive to me. Productive to tweet more and more. Thanks to alter account for keep updating my helplessly useless tweets. 

First day on clinic

My first day on duty as I'd finished my intern. I'm taking over vivi's scheduled to be on duty in a clinic in Mabar. Actually vivi had insisted me to taking over her job while she's on vacation since last week. But, I kept rejected with some reason. The clinic is quite convenient and big for a clinic, I might say. I just don't like the duty period. I've got 24 hours on duty. Last night vivi called me from KL, asking (or demanding, i'd said) to be her back-up clinic duty today. Since I literally jobless and had been rejected her offer twice, I see no way but to accept it. So, here I am, as alone as usual laying on the doctor's bed waiting for the patient in this 24 long-hour. 

I haven't got any called yet from the hospital i'm applied to. But, I've already got 3 back-up offering which i rejected them all because i'm on holiday last week. Oh, i'm really looking forward to get a proper job. I need to be a fix occupant with a fix job hour and fix salary every month. 

Ya Allah please answer my prayer. I need a fix and proper job right now. 

Here is  the space that I'm about to glued for the next 24 hours. FYI, it's only past an hour of my 24 hour duty. 

Sincerely,

The never ending whining doctor 😛

Saturday Night Fever

Saturday night always be the awaited night every week for everyone either they're single or double. Well, maybe all the single's not really looking for this night but let's be honest. Like it or not, saturday night is much better than every other weekday night, isn't it?

Last Saturday night I was on my on-call night shift. With hoping no patient would like to visit our ER in this lovely night I was hanging my wishful thinking. Which I should have never ever dare to think about that back then.

Jam 11 malam aku dapet telfon telling me a patient was waiting me on ER. I found a girl who was crying out loud lying on the bed while the nurse doing stitch on her injury. Kakinya luka tergores kaca. A minute later, masuk 2 pasien KLL. Salah satunya mabuk berat dengan luka robek di alis sama bibir. Setelah selesai beresin pasien2 ini, masuk lagi pasien baru dengan blood all over his face and shirt. Hebatnya walaupun darahnya udah muncrat2 dari kepalanya, si pasien masih bisa jalan tenang masuk IGD dan naik ke bed.

Karena kebanyakan pasien dan perawat yang terbatas, aku ikutan hecting (menjahit luka) pasien terakhir. Nggak berapa lama setelah itu ada ribut2 di depan IGD. Temen2 pasien yang mabok tadi pukul2an sama temen2 pasien yang kepalanya bocor ini. Satpam yg seharusnya doing his job dengan tenangnya sleep sound and safe unaware of the heat situation here. Untungnya mereka berhenti pukul2an dan salah satunya pulang ke rumah.

After awhile, temen yang pulang tadi balik ke RS bawa parang dan langsung ngebacok temen berantemnya tepat di depan pintu IGD. Like I have had not enough already. Kenapa juga harus di depan IGD? Kenapa juga harus pas shift jaga ku?!!

Setelah puas ngebacok kepala orang, si pembacok lega dan pulang meninggalkan pasien baru di IGD dengan 5 luka robek di kepala. Yang lebih keren lagi, satpam tetap tidur nyenyak tanpa terganggu ribut2 di IGD.

Jam 3 pagi aku masih harus berkutat dengan nald, catgut dan pasien mabok yang darahnya banjir di IGD. Dateng lagi pasien baru minta divisum abis dipukul. Yassalam, malam minggu gini kok banyak yang doyan pukul2an ya. Kenapa gak ngadain zikir akbar dilanjutkan sholat tahajud berjamaah aja sih -..-

Jam setengah 4 aku balik ke kamar langsung tepar. It's the worst scenario I've ever imagined. Setelah mulai melayang hampir tertidur hp ku bunyi.

"Dok, ada pasien LAGI di IGD"

F!

virginity

Jumat, 19 April 2013

Lagi jaga sore di IGD, tiba - tiba dapet BBM dari dokter jaga nyuruh aku ke poli OBGYN segera. Padahal udah mau adzan magrib, dan poli juga udah tutup dari siang tadi. Nyampe poli udah ada dokter jaga, seorang ibu dan anak perempuannya. Ternyata ibu ini minta anaknya untuk di visum keperawanan.

Aku udah pernah visum keperawanan anak balita dan hymen (selaput dara)-nya masih utuh. Jadi visum kali ini beda sama sebelumnya. Pikiran pertama yang terlintas waktu ngeliat si pasien kemungkinan dia abis diperkosa makanya minta divisum. Karena penampilannya yang menggambarkan cewek rumahan, lugu, pemalu, dan alim.

Si ibu cerita "Anak saya ini punya pacar udah 11 bulan pacaran. Tiba-tiba diputusin sama pacarnya dan pacarnya pergi ke Medan. Beberapa minggu belakangan ini anak saya nangis terus. Saya tanya kenapa, dia cerita katanya pacarnya itu sudah punya pacar baru di Medan. Dan yang buat dia makin sedih, anak saya ini udah berhubungan suami-istri lah selama pacaran dulu"

Hmm.. kalimat pembukaannya cukup jelas menggambarkan maksud dan tujuan si ibu. Cukup jelas menghancurkan prediksi awalku.

"Udah nggak inget, pokoknya setiap ketemu pasti ngelakuin" jawab si anak waktu ditanya berapa kali udah ngelakuinnya. Another shocking fact hit me. 

"kamu gak takut hamil? Udah pernah test pack? kapan terakhir menstruasi?"

Kali ini si ibu menjawab dengan tenangnya "Udah saya tanya itu dok. Kok bisa lah kau inang (panggilan sayang orang batak ke putri nya) nggak hamil tapi kau bilang setiap ketemu udah begituan. Trus dibilangnya dok, si laki-laki ini mengeluarkan "itu"-nya di perutnya"

Lemes..

Entah kenapa first impression aku tuh selalu salah total. Pasien yang awalnya aku kira good girl has already gone bad only in a minute. Aku yang awalnya bahkan gak berani bayangin si pasien bakal secara sukarela making love berulang kali. Eh, mereka bahkan ngerti caranya ngelakuin coitus interuptus :|

Daerah pelosok, jauh dari hingar bingar kehidupan kota, nggak menjamin penduduknya taat agama dan takut dosa. Aku udah sering denger sih dari temen-temen yang lain bilang banyak terima kasus visum keperawanan selama jaga IGD. Katanya sih free sex udah biasa disini, banyak yang minta divisum biar akhirnya dinikahin sama si laki-laki. Tapi mendengar sama mengalami langsung itu beda rasanya. 

Si pasien ini masih 18 tahun. Segitu nggak berharganya kah keperawanan? Terserah lah kalo nggak peduli sama dosa. At least segitu nggak peduli nya sama diri sendiri sampe harta yang paling berharga itu gampang aja dikasih.

I don't know what went wrong with this people. While I'm strictly to stay virgin, they are easily giving it up in the name of fcuking love!! What a super irrational thought.

Hasil pemeriksaan sesuai dengan pengakuan korban. I don't wanna tell the detail here. I just wanna show how horrified I am to know the reality. Even in this unidentified place, virginity means nothing.

oh well, this poor girl.. Aku pengen bilang ke dia "kalo kamu aja gak bisa menghargai diri kamu sendiri gimana orang lain bisa ngeliat kamu berharga" tapi si Ibu keliatan ngebela anaknya abis2an. Katanya si anak terpaksa nurut setiap diminta ML sama pacarnya karena diancem bakal diputusin kalo gak mau. 

Oh, give me a break. Entah si ibu yang kelewat naif percaya aja gitu apa yang dibilang anaknya atau dia sengaja percaya sebagai self defense. Dunno and dont care. All I can conclude about this case is while the moron meets the idiot they will make the most stupid excuse to having sex. Stupid!

From hormone to mellow

Akhir - akhir ini sering ngerasa jadi  cewek mellow yang gampang nangis karena cuma karena hal sepele, terutama 2 bulan belakangan ini. emang sih karena PMS, but this is the first time my life had been screwed by hormone.
Separah2 nya aku PMS, gak pernah tuh sampe nangis bombay kaya cewek yang gak disetujuin bapaknya nikah sama pacarnya di film india.

Dua bulan yang lalu, aku lagi di taksi travel perjalanan dari Medan balik ke Sidempuan. I was fully wishing to get a capable and the fastest driver since I've had to driven to Gunung tua when I got Sidempuan as soon as possible to catch my morning shift in emergency room. As though faith didn't took its side on me, I got the slowest driver so that he could never forced himself to precede the truck in front us. He was effortlessly drove 40 km/h for the heck fastest!!

I was about to burst out. Rasanya emosi, pengen gantiin si supir lambat ini. I felt something burnt inside of me and felt like punch this driver who was sitting next to me. Realize of not capable to did those things, I effortfully resist my anger. Tapi jadinya malah nangis. Nangis sejadi2nya kaya abis diputusin gitu. Untungnya kejadiannya malem, jadi si supir lambat ini gak ngeliat aku udah nangis bodoh aja sangking emosi sama dia. Right after that, I felt the abdominal cramp then I confirmed myself my period was coming right after that.

Bulan ini tepatnya minggu lalu, aku ditelfon mamaku minta dijemput di sekolahnya jam 12.15. Seharusnya aku ke kantor pajak buat ngurus NPWP, tapi karena mama minta jemput aku langsung nyetir ke sekolahnya.  Nyampe sekolah jam 12 dan sekolahnya itu udah sepi, kosong, melompong. I called mama like 100 times yet she's out of reach. Lima belas menit kemudian mama nelfon aku katanya dia udah di rumah karena jam setengah 12 dia udah pulang dan gak ngeliat aku di depan sekolahnya ditambah lagi HP nya abis batere. Gak mungkin juga aku bentak2 mama, jadi aku langsung matiin HP. Di jalan balik ke rumah mataku udah basah. Kept remind myself to think logically that nothing's deserve to be cried to.

Nyampe rumah mama bukain pagar trus aku langsung ngomong "mama bilang jam 12.15. Nenny dari jam 12 udah di sana, gara2 mama gak jadi nenny buat NPWP" trus langsung lari ke kamar nangis sesengukan. Sumpah ya, sinetron juga gak bakal selebay ini kali. trus mama ngetok2 kamarku bilangin dia salah bilang maksudnya pulang jam 12 kurang 15. Tapi aku udah terlanjur nangis kaya ditinggal kawin. Beberapa menit setelah itu I've got my period as I predicted before.

Bener2 hormon ngerusak mood and my way of thinking. 

Nah, tadi pagi aku bbm-an sama mama, curhat gara2 papa yang pelit. Aku minta duit bensin ke papa trus papa pake acara nyindir aku udah dokter kok masih minta subsidi dari ortu. Emang sih duitnya dikasih tapi ego ini udah terlanjur terluka (halah..). Trus aku ngadu ke mama "biar mama tau aja, papa blom ada loh ma ngasih duit makan nenny bulan ini. Nenny makan setiap hari pake nughet yang dibeli pas belanja bulanan kemaren". Tau gitu mamaku langsung heboh mau transfer duit ke aku, trus suruh ibu yang bantuin di rumah Sidempuan buatin lauk buat aku makan di Gunung Tua. Again and again, aku langsung nangis gak jelas gitu donk. Padahal udah selesai nih period ku. 

I don't know how to handle what this hormone did to me. I cant even control myself to not crying out loud. Oh, I guess it's time to find my next-to-be husband as the impingement for my hormone disaster.

Mama, the most patient woman on earth <3 font="">

The power of 'marga'

Nothing bonding is as tight as Bataknesse's. I was driving on the way heading off to Padang Sidempuan by myself. In the middle of the way my car was stopped by some policeman for a 'sudden operation'. Maybe because of me as a girl, they stopped me. A policeman greeted me and asking for my license. A lil bit worried penetrated me while I have to face the policeman in the street. I had a very bad relationship with them. Somehow, every time their checking for my car completeness, there would be always something was missing and I must paid for the fine!

I gave him my license and STNK. He's checking my name on it and being pleasure by my surname. Coincidentally we have the same surname which is giving me the advantage. So, here's the conversation we had just now.

He : selamat pagi bu. Bisa lihat Surat2 nya?
Me : (giving him my license and STNK)
He : wah, boru harahap ternyata. Sama lah saya juga harahap. Harahap dari mana? (He asked my hometown)
Me : dari Sosopan
He : saya juga dari sana ( then he unbutton his jumper and show his badge name. There I saw we have a similarity in surname). Dari mana mau kemana ini?
Me : dari gunung tua mau ke sidempuan pak.
He : yasudah, hati2 ya nyetir nya

See? I don't even know this policeman. Just because we have the same Surname everything worked fine. It's not that I have lack of completeness car utility. It's just that they usually easily saw my fear when they're stopping my car then looking for any little mistake which is impossible to get fine!

Last year I was driving my car from Medan to Gunung Tua. It took me 10 hours to get there. In the middle of the way, exactly in Batu Bara the policeman stopped my car. Because I'm a girl, he's effortfully looking for any tiny mistake I have. He ordered me to open my baggage and showed him my car safety utility such as : kotak P3K, segitiga pengaman sama racun api. That was the first time i heard 'racun api'. The moment he asked about that I did realize that I would never been let go by him until paid the fine. Because I was fully aware that I didn't have that damn 'racun api'.

I told my father about that then he yelled at me. He told me that racun api, etc couldn't be the reason to get fine since my car is a personal transportation instead of the public one.

I'm fully aware that that fcuking policeman will never stop looking for my mistake until I gave them some money or we have the same Surname like I had happened just now ;)

Real case. Eventually..

Jaga malam kemaren dapet 3 pasien. Dua diantaranya emergency yang butuh penanganan dan berpikir cepet. Mungkin karena udah terbiasa dapet pasien gak penting kaya salah satu pasien tadi malem yang dateng karena keluhan insomnia (intinya sih dia minta obat tidur), jadi otakku bener2 lambat untuk berpikir cepet nanganin pasien emergency.

Pasien pertama laki2, 8 th, diagnosa flame burn grade 2b derajat 34%. First thought crossed my mind was fluid resuscitation. Since pasien luka bakar sangat besar kemungkinan nya dehidrasi kan, aku minta perawat masukin RL aja dulu sambil mikir what's next? Berapa banyak cairan yang harus dikasih? How to deal with the injury in addition i'd got a pediatric patient here. Surprisingly the patient didn't cry. He just absentmindedly looking at what he had done. All i could think about to decrease the pain and keep thinking what's next. Somehow, everything I'd studied in school and coass obviously gone by the wind without a trace behind back.

The situation urged me to open book and admitted me as a total failure of doctor :| i was worried about the amount of fluid resuscitation, the complication and so on. There i found the initial fluid therapy to be given is 4 ml/kgBW multiple to the degree of the burn. For the first 8 hours, you should've been giving a half of total fluid that had calculated before. For the injury I was about recommending burnazide or mebo zalf to decrease the pain and relieving reason. Yet, since the drugstore of the hospital has nothing of them, I just could give him a wet lint along as hoping it'd be enough for him till tomorrow, until the family enabled to bought at the outside drugstore.

Alat, obat, dan otak yang terbatas bener2 buat nasib si adik ini jadi sial maksimal. Jadi pasien ku ini awalnya mau ngidupin lampu minyak. Somehow, minyaknya tumpah dan bakar semua kaki, bokong dan tangan kiri nya. As his doctor, i felt so useless and disappointed. Luckily the hospital has a 24 hour-pediatrician. So she took over handling the patient in ward.

Pasien selanjutnya wanita primigravida yang sedang inpartu dan sudah pecah ketuban sejak seminggu yang lalu. Karena tinggal di pelosok yang jauh dari peradaban, pasien baru bisa nyampe rumah sakit sekarang. My first action? Sent her to delivery room. There i tried to identified if the fetus still alive by doppler. DJJ (denyut jantung janin) terdengar sekitar 150an. Stupid me of not having a watch so i couldn't count the DJJ. Another misfortune patient of having me as her doctor :(

Then went another disaster, pasien gak bisa bahasa Indonesia dan bahasa Batak. Taunya cuma bahasa Nias which no one here known but his husband. Jadi untuk nanya2 pasien harus nyuruh suaminya yang translate. Pfft. Setelah ditensi pasien ternyata hipertensi emergensi 200/130 mmHg. Aku masukin nifedipine digerus sublingual. Then, blank...

Huaaahhhh... What a super pathetic doctor I am!!! I cursed myself to the most stupid and lazy and useless doctor ever. The most right thing I did last night was calling the 24 hour-obstetrician ASAP :|

Sp.OG nya langsung nyuruh aku pasang kateter untuk cek proteinuria karena krisis hipertensi nya. Damn stupid me, how could PEB (Preeklampsia Berat) didn't crossed my mind?! Trus dia suruh aku cor RL karena pasien mulai ngantuk dan ditakutkan syok. Haaahhh... Menilai kesadaran pun aku gak kepikiran :/

Infus udah di cor, urine udah aku ambil trus aku bakar. Dan bener aja proteinuria +4, Kejang (-). Sp.OG nya langsung nyuruh aku persiapan operasi SC cito untuk terminasi kehamilan dan pemberian MgSO4 bolus 15 cc. Trus 30 cc Mg SO4 dimasukkan ke 500 cc RL di drips 14 tetes per menit. Believe me, waktu koass aku sangat hapal semua prosedur di atas. Sampe kalo aku lagi tidur trus tiba2 dibangunin ditanya penatalaksanaan PEB, aku bisa jawab di luar kepala tanpa harus mikir. Dan sekarang? Semuanya hilang like I just heard them for the damn first time.

I'm so grateful by having an emergency case just not as usual. Every patient who admitted to ER is a learning for me and reminder to study more as well. And another moral of the story: where on earth you can find doctor who's not have a watch?! So, nenok!!! Get your stupid watch back and change the battery AND quit being a lazy!!!

Visum kematian

Udah hampir 1 bulan aku jaga di IGD dan belum juga nemu kasus yang menarik or at least an emergency-pumping-my-adrenaline case. So far pasien2ku kebanyakan sakit biasa2 aja like common cold, cerumen prop, corpus alienum on the auricule, typhoid fever or dyspepsia. Kalo baca nama2 penyakit di atas keren ya? You can google it and find how graceless they are.

satu kasus yang lumayan menarik waktu aku jaga malam di IGD dan jam 3 pagi ditelfon perawat IGD karena ada mayat yang mau divisum. Uh-oh, thanks to co-ass life, I never get afraid of dead body anymore. But still, I felt a bit scared the first time I saw the body in the emergency room. He was lying on the bed covered by towel. When I opened the towel, there I found him. A 55 year-old man with a unimaginable injury on his abs. At first I thought he must be a bad guy who drunk all night and bring his to the accident. U will never know how easy people jump their self into a traffic accident because of drunk.

A reality hits me when I just knew that he has nothing to do with drink :|

So the story begin...
Korban sedang dalam perjalanan dari Tarutung menuju Pekan Baru untuk menghadiri pesta disana. Bersama 2 anak cowoknya mereka nyetir mobil rental malem2. Tiba2 ban mobil pecah, so they had to change tire. Kayanya bukan ban mobilnya aja sih yang pecah, ada masalah di permesinan mobilnya yang buat korban harus masuk ke bawah mobil untuk ngecek in the middle of the night while there's none of street lamp there, I might add!

Out of nowhere, ada mobil avanza melaju kencang dan gak ngeliat ada setengah badan lying on the street karena gak ada lampu jalan. Kayanya si pengemudi mobil avanza ini juga gak liat ada mobil mogok. Karena tiba2 mobil ini nabrak mobil rental yang mogok dan mobil rentalnya menggilas perut korban.

Menurut anak korban, 1 jam setelah kejadian, denyut nadi masih teraba, jantung masih berdetak tapi mereka susah dapet pertolongan karena kejadian jam 2 pagi, jalanan sepi dan mobil mereka mogok. Sekitar jam 3 pagi korban dibawa ke IGD RS sama polisi dalam keadaan tak bernyawa.

I feel definitely guilty for my missed prejudice on him. He's just an innocent stranger who tragically end his life here. He's not even the local resident. Truly deeply so sorry for him.

Waktu aku buka handuk yang nutupin mayatnya, there I saw him..
First I looked at his face, nothing was wrong. Just a peaceful face without any sign of holding a pain draw on his face. Turun ke badannya baru lah aku lihat penyebab kematian. Perutnya robek dari pertengahan pusat sampai ke pinggang kanan. Oh, you don't wanna know the detail.

Aku ikut bantuin perawat2 cowok narik kulit perut dan kulit pahanya buat di jahit. And it's hard indeed. Then I did what I had to do. I'm measuring the scale of the lacerated wound, I wrote whatever I found on him on the paper.

Keluarga minta mayat di formalin. It took 3 hours to wrap it all. Then another fact hits me hard.
Anak cowoknya cerita "saya juga ada di bawah kolong mobil waktu kejadian, tapi nggak tau kenapa cuma Bapak yang..."

Another thing disturb me when the hospital urged them to paid the fee while his son doesn't have any money on him. Aku ngerti sih, itu kebijakan rumah sakit untuk minta pelunasan pembayaran. Dan mereka juga minta jasa ambulans untuk nganter mayat balik ke Tarutung sana. Jadi anak korban ini janji bakal bayar semua biayanya nanti pas nyampe kampung karena sekarang mereka bener2 gak ada uang. Tapi pihak rumah sakit masih maksa at least bayar setengah lah karena sebelum2nya mereka udah sering kejadian kaya gini dan ujung2nya gak dibayar.

Well, mungkin karena aku baru disini, dan blom ngalamin apa yang mereka alamin ya. Tapi kan ya ini keluarga lagi berduka kenapa gak saling membantu gitu. Toh mereka udah janji juga bakal bayar nanti pas nyampe kampung. Tapi siapa lah aku? Cuma dokter internship yang untuk hidup disini aja masih disubsidi orang tua. Konon lagi mau bantu mereka.

Akhirnya polisi yang nemenin ngasih jaminan KTP nya dan gak tau dari mana si anak udah ngebayar 500ribu biaya administrasi.

Moral of the story : you never know when, where and how you will end your life. Will it be now, tomorrow or a hundred year later? Will it be in a peaceful painless way or either in a painful and rudeness one? Will it be in a cozy warm bed or in a cold dirty street? None of us know. So then, since I the same as you for the knowledge of death, let's fulfill this remaining time we have as precious as possible. Fill it with all the positive energy and things to do. Because we never know when our turn to face the death will.

Internship : 7 months passed and I'm grateful :)

Gak kerasa uda 7 bulan terlewati. So it's about 3 moths to go to finish this internship. Aku banyak belajar selama intern disini. Bukan literally belajar by open and read the text book. I mean learn how to live a life alone far away from home.
Belajar mandiri, dewasa dan accept this world is not as small as my house (though this place is not larger than my neighborhood). Belajar mengenal sifat roommates yang completely various. Even the tiniest thing could make me wishful. Like hoping for a bright sunny day so my laundry will get well dry so i've enough clothes to continue my days here. Or simply learnt how to brushing my clothes.

Selama 23 tahun ini aku gak pernah mikir ternyata pekerjaan mencuci baju itu selain butuh kesabaran, ketekunan juga butuh niat yang kuat. Cause the moment u intend to wash u must to responsible till the end. Responsible maksudku untuk siap2 berlapang dada kalo2 cucian yang setumpuk udah capek2 dicuci, di molto-in, diperas dan dijemur tiba2 semesta berkonspirasi dengan cucian kita dengan mendatangkan hujan. Believe me, it happened to me a lot! Since then, I really appreciate the laundryman job. They really have a tough occupation there. Selain masalah teknis kaya mendung, hujan, badai, banyak lagi masalah dalam mencuci baju ini. Kaya niat yang kuat, dan persiapan mental karena setelah mencuci yang memeras baju yang bikin tangan pegel harus dilanjutkan dengan menyetrika cucian yang udah kering. God bless all the laundryman!

Intinya sih ya selama internship di gunung tua ini aku banyak belajar susahnya jadi housekeeper. Malah aku jadi ngerasa jadi dokter gak seberat jadi housekeeper. Instead of washing, there's a huge responsibility on your shoulder to keep the house clean. Like making the bed, sweeping, wash the plates, mopping, buang sampah, sweeping, like never end! I am truly deeply appreciate this housekeeper doing. It ain't really simple job!

Once I told mama what I have done here. She seemed so surprised and grateful that her super lazy daughter willing to do all the things she never did at home. Yet her gratefulness can't hold a bit longer when I back home for awhile and found me completely forgot about all those tidy house thingy and back to the lazy one again. The disappointment hits her tough :D

Selain masalah bersih2 dan jaga rumah, internship juga ngajarin aku untuk toleransi.. Well, kami ber-9 di satu rumah. Dengan 9 kepala yang isinya beda2 semua, it's impossible to not hitting the fight. In the first month, we were argued a lot. But later on, we were try to hold our ego and try to get along together. It worked really well till now.

Ok, rasanya aneh kalo internship ini cuma menjadikan aku terlatih sebagai pembantu rumah tangga aja. Since internship ku ini bertujuan untuk menjadikan saya dokter yang turun ke desa dan melatih skill and confidence. So, i'd like to say, nothing much to hope for this internship. Expect less and grateful more is useful here. I can't expect for a weird, rare and interesting case but only a usual tiny case like common cold, dyspepsia or else.

Kata orang sih bawaan badanku yang sepi pasien dan selalunya dapet pasien yang biasa2 aja. Soalnya temen2 yang lain selalu dapet pasien yang aneh2 dan gawat. Satu2nya kasus penarik yang aku dapet tuh pas jaga malem IGD dipanggil jam 3 pagi untuk visum mayat kecelakaan lalu lintas (KLL). Untuk daerah lintas sumatera ini memang biasa dapet pasien KLL karena kebiasaan orang disini yang suka ngebut2 naik motor tanpa helm dan banyak kendaraan2 besar yang juga ngebut. Ya namanya juga jalan lintas ya..
I'll tell about my various boring patient in another post. The bottom line of this post is i'm grateful enough for being here this long. And I hope I learnt much from living alone in an unidentified place here.

Nightmare, homesick and fasting

Out of nowhere, after Subuh praying I slept deeply and found myself having a nightmare. I dreamt of my family went to my shared house in Gunung Tua and asking me for a walk. Even my brother entrusted me his money for our walk. I was really looking forward to it, but at the same time, I had have promised my friend for a walk either and she had prepared herself for it.
I was asking her to cancel and reschedule the walk out but she apparently disappointed of me and I couldn't let it go. Instead of going out with my family who had went acrossed lots of miles to get here, I picked to go out with my friend. I hardy enjoyed every minute I spent with her. then I realize, something is wrong with me. Somehow I forgot to covered my hair with shawl.
I was really having a completely a bad day. Hardly impossible to arrange your dream, I might said. I felt like cursing myself to not choosing going out with my family and not wearing a hijab either. I went back home as soon as possible by shouldering a mountain of disappointed. as soon as I got home I found my family wasn't there anymore.
Well, as I read this post again, it turned out my perspective of nightmare. It wasn't  a nightmare I was having just now. It is only a bad dream who successfully making me crying a river. Now I know how seriously homesick I am. I miss home, gathering with my genus, chattering this and that.
I can't translate my dream. But it should be something is told about the dream I haven't understand yet. or it's only simply a consolidation of fasting and homesick to create a nightmare. Well, God only knows..