Visum kematian

Udah hampir 1 bulan aku jaga di IGD dan belum juga nemu kasus yang menarik or at least an emergency-pumping-my-adrenaline case. So far pasien2ku kebanyakan sakit biasa2 aja like common cold, cerumen prop, corpus alienum on the auricule, typhoid fever or dyspepsia. Kalo baca nama2 penyakit di atas keren ya? You can google it and find how graceless they are.

satu kasus yang lumayan menarik waktu aku jaga malam di IGD dan jam 3 pagi ditelfon perawat IGD karena ada mayat yang mau divisum. Uh-oh, thanks to co-ass life, I never get afraid of dead body anymore. But still, I felt a bit scared the first time I saw the body in the emergency room. He was lying on the bed covered by towel. When I opened the towel, there I found him. A 55 year-old man with a unimaginable injury on his abs. At first I thought he must be a bad guy who drunk all night and bring his to the accident. U will never know how easy people jump their self into a traffic accident because of drunk.

A reality hits me when I just knew that he has nothing to do with drink :|

So the story begin...
Korban sedang dalam perjalanan dari Tarutung menuju Pekan Baru untuk menghadiri pesta disana. Bersama 2 anak cowoknya mereka nyetir mobil rental malem2. Tiba2 ban mobil pecah, so they had to change tire. Kayanya bukan ban mobilnya aja sih yang pecah, ada masalah di permesinan mobilnya yang buat korban harus masuk ke bawah mobil untuk ngecek in the middle of the night while there's none of street lamp there, I might add!

Out of nowhere, ada mobil avanza melaju kencang dan gak ngeliat ada setengah badan lying on the street karena gak ada lampu jalan. Kayanya si pengemudi mobil avanza ini juga gak liat ada mobil mogok. Karena tiba2 mobil ini nabrak mobil rental yang mogok dan mobil rentalnya menggilas perut korban.

Menurut anak korban, 1 jam setelah kejadian, denyut nadi masih teraba, jantung masih berdetak tapi mereka susah dapet pertolongan karena kejadian jam 2 pagi, jalanan sepi dan mobil mereka mogok. Sekitar jam 3 pagi korban dibawa ke IGD RS sama polisi dalam keadaan tak bernyawa.

I feel definitely guilty for my missed prejudice on him. He's just an innocent stranger who tragically end his life here. He's not even the local resident. Truly deeply so sorry for him.

Waktu aku buka handuk yang nutupin mayatnya, there I saw him..
First I looked at his face, nothing was wrong. Just a peaceful face without any sign of holding a pain draw on his face. Turun ke badannya baru lah aku lihat penyebab kematian. Perutnya robek dari pertengahan pusat sampai ke pinggang kanan. Oh, you don't wanna know the detail.

Aku ikut bantuin perawat2 cowok narik kulit perut dan kulit pahanya buat di jahit. And it's hard indeed. Then I did what I had to do. I'm measuring the scale of the lacerated wound, I wrote whatever I found on him on the paper.

Keluarga minta mayat di formalin. It took 3 hours to wrap it all. Then another fact hits me hard.
Anak cowoknya cerita "saya juga ada di bawah kolong mobil waktu kejadian, tapi nggak tau kenapa cuma Bapak yang..."

Another thing disturb me when the hospital urged them to paid the fee while his son doesn't have any money on him. Aku ngerti sih, itu kebijakan rumah sakit untuk minta pelunasan pembayaran. Dan mereka juga minta jasa ambulans untuk nganter mayat balik ke Tarutung sana. Jadi anak korban ini janji bakal bayar semua biayanya nanti pas nyampe kampung karena sekarang mereka bener2 gak ada uang. Tapi pihak rumah sakit masih maksa at least bayar setengah lah karena sebelum2nya mereka udah sering kejadian kaya gini dan ujung2nya gak dibayar.

Well, mungkin karena aku baru disini, dan blom ngalamin apa yang mereka alamin ya. Tapi kan ya ini keluarga lagi berduka kenapa gak saling membantu gitu. Toh mereka udah janji juga bakal bayar nanti pas nyampe kampung. Tapi siapa lah aku? Cuma dokter internship yang untuk hidup disini aja masih disubsidi orang tua. Konon lagi mau bantu mereka.

Akhirnya polisi yang nemenin ngasih jaminan KTP nya dan gak tau dari mana si anak udah ngebayar 500ribu biaya administrasi.

Moral of the story : you never know when, where and how you will end your life. Will it be now, tomorrow or a hundred year later? Will it be in a peaceful painless way or either in a painful and rudeness one? Will it be in a cozy warm bed or in a cold dirty street? None of us know. So then, since I the same as you for the knowledge of death, let's fulfill this remaining time we have as precious as possible. Fill it with all the positive energy and things to do. Because we never know when our turn to face the death will.

Internship : 7 months passed and I'm grateful :)

Gak kerasa uda 7 bulan terlewati. So it's about 3 moths to go to finish this internship. Aku banyak belajar selama intern disini. Bukan literally belajar by open and read the text book. I mean learn how to live a life alone far away from home.
Belajar mandiri, dewasa dan accept this world is not as small as my house (though this place is not larger than my neighborhood). Belajar mengenal sifat roommates yang completely various. Even the tiniest thing could make me wishful. Like hoping for a bright sunny day so my laundry will get well dry so i've enough clothes to continue my days here. Or simply learnt how to brushing my clothes.

Selama 23 tahun ini aku gak pernah mikir ternyata pekerjaan mencuci baju itu selain butuh kesabaran, ketekunan juga butuh niat yang kuat. Cause the moment u intend to wash u must to responsible till the end. Responsible maksudku untuk siap2 berlapang dada kalo2 cucian yang setumpuk udah capek2 dicuci, di molto-in, diperas dan dijemur tiba2 semesta berkonspirasi dengan cucian kita dengan mendatangkan hujan. Believe me, it happened to me a lot! Since then, I really appreciate the laundryman job. They really have a tough occupation there. Selain masalah teknis kaya mendung, hujan, badai, banyak lagi masalah dalam mencuci baju ini. Kaya niat yang kuat, dan persiapan mental karena setelah mencuci yang memeras baju yang bikin tangan pegel harus dilanjutkan dengan menyetrika cucian yang udah kering. God bless all the laundryman!

Intinya sih ya selama internship di gunung tua ini aku banyak belajar susahnya jadi housekeeper. Malah aku jadi ngerasa jadi dokter gak seberat jadi housekeeper. Instead of washing, there's a huge responsibility on your shoulder to keep the house clean. Like making the bed, sweeping, wash the plates, mopping, buang sampah, sweeping, like never end! I am truly deeply appreciate this housekeeper doing. It ain't really simple job!

Once I told mama what I have done here. She seemed so surprised and grateful that her super lazy daughter willing to do all the things she never did at home. Yet her gratefulness can't hold a bit longer when I back home for awhile and found me completely forgot about all those tidy house thingy and back to the lazy one again. The disappointment hits her tough :D

Selain masalah bersih2 dan jaga rumah, internship juga ngajarin aku untuk toleransi.. Well, kami ber-9 di satu rumah. Dengan 9 kepala yang isinya beda2 semua, it's impossible to not hitting the fight. In the first month, we were argued a lot. But later on, we were try to hold our ego and try to get along together. It worked really well till now.

Ok, rasanya aneh kalo internship ini cuma menjadikan aku terlatih sebagai pembantu rumah tangga aja. Since internship ku ini bertujuan untuk menjadikan saya dokter yang turun ke desa dan melatih skill and confidence. So, i'd like to say, nothing much to hope for this internship. Expect less and grateful more is useful here. I can't expect for a weird, rare and interesting case but only a usual tiny case like common cold, dyspepsia or else.

Kata orang sih bawaan badanku yang sepi pasien dan selalunya dapet pasien yang biasa2 aja. Soalnya temen2 yang lain selalu dapet pasien yang aneh2 dan gawat. Satu2nya kasus penarik yang aku dapet tuh pas jaga malem IGD dipanggil jam 3 pagi untuk visum mayat kecelakaan lalu lintas (KLL). Untuk daerah lintas sumatera ini memang biasa dapet pasien KLL karena kebiasaan orang disini yang suka ngebut2 naik motor tanpa helm dan banyak kendaraan2 besar yang juga ngebut. Ya namanya juga jalan lintas ya..
I'll tell about my various boring patient in another post. The bottom line of this post is i'm grateful enough for being here this long. And I hope I learnt much from living alone in an unidentified place here.

Nightmare, homesick and fasting

Out of nowhere, after Subuh praying I slept deeply and found myself having a nightmare. I dreamt of my family went to my shared house in Gunung Tua and asking me for a walk. Even my brother entrusted me his money for our walk. I was really looking forward to it, but at the same time, I had have promised my friend for a walk either and she had prepared herself for it.
I was asking her to cancel and reschedule the walk out but she apparently disappointed of me and I couldn't let it go. Instead of going out with my family who had went acrossed lots of miles to get here, I picked to go out with my friend. I hardy enjoyed every minute I spent with her. then I realize, something is wrong with me. Somehow I forgot to covered my hair with shawl.
I was really having a completely a bad day. Hardly impossible to arrange your dream, I might said. I felt like cursing myself to not choosing going out with my family and not wearing a hijab either. I went back home as soon as possible by shouldering a mountain of disappointed. as soon as I got home I found my family wasn't there anymore.
Well, as I read this post again, it turned out my perspective of nightmare. It wasn't  a nightmare I was having just now. It is only a bad dream who successfully making me crying a river. Now I know how seriously homesick I am. I miss home, gathering with my genus, chattering this and that.
I can't translate my dream. But it should be something is told about the dream I haven't understand yet. or it's only simply a consolidation of fasting and homesick to create a nightmare. Well, God only knows..

Ketika membuka inbox fb

Ya Allah, apa hikmah dibalik message via fb ini?
Aku kira kealayan-ku dan kelayakanku menerima kealayan sudah berakhir di era "add friendster aku ya"

Moral of the story :
in my 23 year-old there's someone thinking me still in a "scull" age -___-

been a while

Aloooohhaaa...
well, it's been a century since I log on to my blog. so how surprised I am when seeing the new look of blogspot. Lately, I used to using my tumblr since it is more user-friendly than blogspot. And now I find out blogspot have changed their layout just like tumblr.
And btw, here is my tumblr if u want to see


So what now?

Now I'm running my internship in Padang Lawas Utara, Gunung Tua for a year. It's been 2 months already. But I find myself being stuck, boring and homesick over and over again


I miss home. always..
It's suck to live alone in a some unidentified place far away from home. it took me 10 hours to get home, fyi!


Ok then, I think I'll frequently updating post in here instead of my tumblr.
Catch u back later~